Benjamin had his one year checkup today. Unfortunately, we couldn't see his regular doctor and so we saw Dr. Idiot instead. First, this poor man gave off the most unmanly vibe I think I've ever gotten. He just seemed squishy...from his handshake, to his voice...his entire demeanor.

He did interact with and talk to directly to Ben, which is a big plus, but even while he was doing that he was so tentative about everything that I felt like I needed to whip out my "mom skills" to encourage him. It would have gone something like this. I see that he wants to listen to Ben's heart, but seems unsure about it. "Oh, you want to listen to his heart? You can do it. Just try. See, you're doing it. Yay! You're very brave. What a good doctor you are..." Ugh. GROW SOME BALLS, MAN!

So, I'm making it through the appointment, trying to get it over with as fast as possible and make things easy for him. He asked if I had any questions and I did have a few, but I couldn't handle the thought of trying to listen to him bumble his way through the answers so I just declined. He was also S............L..............O............W....... I mean time was passing like an adolescent waiting for enough facial hair to shave. It was excrutiating. Slow like sitting at home and waiting for the rapture. Slow like waiting for a turtle to do a marathon. S................L................O..............W.........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, the pinnacle of the experience. Dear Doctor Idiot asks me if Ben is still nursing or taking bottles. I explain that I had surgery and was in the hospital which resulted in Ben mostly being weaned. He asks what kind of surgery that I had I tell him appendectomy and cauterizing some exploded cysts on my ovaries. He says, he really honestly says, "That happens, you get cysts and they pop, and that's why your cycle is painful." What's that, Doctor Idiot? Are we making up medical opinions as we go along? Cool, I can play this game. Apparently, even if he doesn't have any balls neither does he have ovaries or know anything about them. I know that cysts are normal, they come and go, they're not necessarily a big deal. They're also not a part of every menstrual cycle or responsible for normal aches and pains during a cycle. I bite my tongue and make no comment, impressing even myself with my remarkable restraint while making a mental note to keep this man far away from me and my son if there's ever actually something wrong with us.

That however, wasn't even the pinnacle, that was just leading up to the pinnacle. Here's the pinnacle: After making up fun answers about ovarian cysts he moves back on track to Ben's eating. I tell him that I'm still nursing him about once a day because I figure that a little breastmilk is better than no breastmilk. He shrugs and says "After six months, it's really just for comfort anyway because immune system is doing what it's supposed to do."  I'm sorry, could you speak up Doctor Idiot? What's that you say? You're clueless about medical knowledge?

I just stared at him for a minute, my face almost as blank as his. Then I said, "Really? I read that at a year old his immune system is still only working 60-70% percent." He stared back at me and says "Well, well, yeah, but well, it's close enough." Seriously. That's what he said. It was at that point that I think my head exploded. I just shook my head and shut my ears. Apparently, he's unfamiliar with the properties of breastmilk that make it an immune booster for as long as a baby nurses, with the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation that children nurse for AT LEAST ONE YEAR, and the World Health Organization says that a baby should be exclusively breastfed for at least six months at which point you can add some solids, but to continue breastfeeding to the age of TWO YEARS AND BEYOND.  Thank you, Doctor Idiot.

This man is a DOCTOR. He supposedly went to MEDICAL school. People who aren't as cynical as myself might actually assume that their doctor KNOWS something, ANYTHING.  I don't know if this man understands, but he is a position of some authority here. People trust their doctors not to give them shit advice. Parents are vulnerable beings who for the most part try to do what is best for their children and they should be able to rely on their doctors as a source of sound medical advice. 

Doctors like this should come with a warning label: Caution! I don't really know the latest information about how to best protect your child. Please double-check my advice because I'm a nincompoop!