We're home from Latvia.  It was an amazing trip.  I'm still trying to process everything we experienced.  I'll blog about that a little later and hopefully pictures will be up soon also.  For now I'm going to bitch about what we came home to because I'm jet-lagged and I can't hold it in.  If you want to read something happy come back later.

I don't think there are words that express what I'm feeling right now.  I didn't get that job I interviewed for.  The perfect job that should have been mine is not mine after all.  The job that I practically tailored my education to do with the great hours and the awesome salary.  Not mine.  And don't try to make me feel better by saying, "There's something better out there for you," because right now there isn't and I don't want to hear it.  My husband has 2 weeks left on his unemployment.  I'm currently working 25 hour ...

Okay...so to be totally honest I'm not entirely sure I'm super excited about going to Latvia.  I want to go.  I do.  But I'm not looking forward to it as much as I thought I would be.  I think the most exciting part about going right now is seeing Kelly and Donna and the extra 5 days that Matt and I are going to spend there.

I think this makes me a bad person.  I should be invested in this trip more emotionally and more spiritually than I am.  Why am I not doing that?  Because I'm about 100% positive we'll be finding another church when we get home.  Because I want to relax and do nothing because I just graduated from school and I feel entitled to a break.  Because I'm incredibly, heartbreakingly homesick and I'd rather spend that time in Wooster with my family (including Jamey, Ben, and Andrew).  I think that's the biggy.  I look at the pictures you guys are posting of your summer s ...

I had an interview today for my perfect job (at least, my perfect job at the moment...not my dream job).  Seriously, though, it doesn't get any better than this for me.  I would be running Poudre Valley Health Systems' Healthy Kids Club in Loveland!  Here's a website in case anyone wants to check it out:

https://vic.pvhs.org/portal/page?_pageid=333,429685&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL&pagid=137

This is an AMAZING opportunity for me.  I would be doing something I love and people would be paying me for it!  I just need to get the job.  The interview itself went very, very well.  I know people where praying for me.  I could feel it.  I could tell because of how calm and confident I was and how articulate my answers we ...

I started reading the blogs of families who are in the process of adopting or have adopted from Ethiopia about a year ago.  I feel close to about 4 families in a cyber-relationship sort of way because I've witnessed them go through the paperwork, the financial struggles, and the waiting.  I've cried "with" them over their referrals and rejoiced "with" them when they brought their children home.  It's made me feel close to the process even though Matt and I haven't started our own adoption.  It makes me feel hopeful for the day when we will.  I feel more prepared to face the ups and downs we'll encounter.  It makes me excited and a little scared.  Today, however, I experienced fury and heart break.

The other day I read the blog of one of the families I've felt this parti ...

The list thing always looks so cool and is so fun to read when Jamey does it so I thought I'd copy her but in my own way which means it won't be as cute or funny and there will be no good answers to any posed questions.

Slightly Random Thoughts

#1. Maybe this will be my last Mother's Day not being a mommy.

Emotional interlude: TEAR.  FEAR.

#2. This idea is terrifying.  Next!!!!!

#3. In the country from which I want to adopt people are dying from lack of food.  In the country where I live people are dying from too much food. 

#4. This is not okay.

#5. What are my personal responsibilities based on thought  #3?

Emotional interlude: GUILT. DISGUST. HEART BREAK.

#6. If we adopt from one of the two countries Matt approves of we could be waiting for 35 months ...

I sort of didn't turn in an assignment for one of my classes on purpose.  I swore Jamey to secrecy about this today so I'm not sure why I'm blogging about it except it's about the most interesting thing I've done (um, or haven't done) in a few days.  I've never not turned in anything ever.  It is very anti-Laura.  It feels...strange.  I'm strangely liberated and  ashamed at the same time.   This is related to my pending graduation.  I'm so sick of school.  I know every senior says that but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.  I started college in fall 1997.  Now, I've just dated myself and made myself feel very old but there it is.  The starting date.  I'm great at the start.  I'm always good at starting things from relationships to cleaning to diets.  However, I SUCK at finishing things.  The only things I finish well are books and races ...

I don't know why you are tired of reading your blog and insist that I write in mine.  I'm not good at this.  Your blogs are much more entertaining.  Since I'm here I will oblige you and update everyone (whoever bothers to read this-which I think is NO ONE) on what is going on in our lives.

So, Matt still has no job.  We're still enjoying that he has no job.  Matt does have an interview in 2 weeks (check the family calendar!).  I feel like I should be more excited and grateful about this than I am.  Part of me wants to scream, "OF COURSE YOU GIVE MY HUSBAND AN INTERVIEW FOR A JOB WITH THE YOUTH GROUP WE'VE GIVEN OUR LIVES TO FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS!  HOW DARE YOU CONSIDER ANYONE ELSE FOR THE POSITION!  YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE HIM THE JOB AS A SIGN OF RESPECT AND BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT!"  And then the other part of me wants to cry because this is what we've wanted for&n ...

It's funny to say that Matt is unemployed.  First, it's not something I ever thought would happen to us so that aspect is a bit surreal (to use a word that is totally over used).  Second, unemployed men are supposed to be depressed not the happiest they have ever been in their entire lives.  Third, Matt spends so much time working at the church it feels like he really does work there full time.

I'm not really upset about Matt not working.  It has actually been one of the best times in our relationship.  The lack of money totally sucks but we've been getting pretty used to that over the past 5 1/2 years and especially over the past 15 months we've been in school.  What could be good about it, you ask?  Well, Matt's happy which makes me happy which makes us getting along a whole lot easier.  We have a lot more time to spend together now...something that has been sorely lacking since we started school an ...

The end of my semester is drawing near...as is the end of my motivation.  If you've looked at the Movies postings one would think that all I did over break was watch movies.  This is not true although I will say I watched a glorious amount of movies and caught up on most of the flicks I've been interested in seeing since before summer school.  I also did a lot of school work: 1 lab report, 1 abstract, 1 power point presentation.  This is good since I had a lot to do but also not so good because I'm a little burned out.  Not the best situation to be in now that I have just one paper to finish before finals start.  I have to say I'm struggling.  Its supposed to be 15 pages long.  Its due on Friday.  I just started the research portion of the paper yesterday. I have yet to write one word.   "Isn't it Tuesday night," you ask. Yes it is and I'm in trouble.  Holy smokes!&am ...