I'm going to share an excrutiatingly detailed account of my day from the moment I woke up until bedtime. You'll be privvy to everything, you lucky dog. No, not really, don't worry. I don't generally make people suffer agony like that for no reason. My days are pretty boring so I'll just hit the highlights. (Oh, and the times that you see on the lefthand side of the events are fictitious. I mean, they're based in reality, but I didn't actually write down the minute that stuff was happening. I'm just guessing. Blogging is an art.)

5:56 Benjamin wakes up fussing for the third time since 11:00 when I went to bed. I roll over and pull the pillow over my head.

5:58 Andrew appears in the doorway holding Ben and translating his babbles. "Where's mom? Can we find her? Mooooom, I need some breakfast. Mom, are you under that pillow?" I poke my head out, Ben smiles and divebombs my boobs. Andrew leaves to keep getting ready for work.

6 ...

I'm sure that every has heard about the study that came out saying that Baby Einstein will not actually make an Einstein out of your child and in fact, isn't as good for your kids as talking to them. (Gasp of surprise)

What I don't understand is why people are surprised by this. Of course it's more beneficial to your child to play with them for twenty two minutes instead of letting them watch a DVD. It's also better if they eat plain oatmeal (hold the brown sugar) instead of Lucky Charms for breakfast. It would be better for me if I'd get up off my duff and exercise instead of typing this blog, but here I am.

In my opinion, what the study failed to take into account is that when most parents put in a DVD for their kids they do it because for the next little while they will be unavailable to play with said child. I bet that Baby Einstein is more beneficial for a kid then being stuck in a playpen to cry for the same amount of time, or drinking Bleach because mom ...

This year will be Ben's first Halloween...at least as an active participant. Last year I had my stomach painted as a Jack-O-Lantern. Funny how last year I displayed, maybe even flaunted my stomach...huge stomach, and yet this year with a much smaller stomach you couldn't pay me (well, it would have to be a substantial amount) to hand out candy with my stomach hanging out... Anyway, that's neither here nor there.

Back to Ben's first Halloween. He obviously needs a costume. While he'll still be too little to walk around and collect candy we're going to be handing out candy again this year and little kids in costumes are just too cute to pass up. So now all Andrew and I have to do is pick a costume for him. Easy?

Here's a quick comparison of Andrew and my preferences for various things...

Music? Andrew likes jazz and blues. I like country or Christian rock.

Take out food? Andrew likes Chinese. I like piz ...

To the man in the white truck,

You sir, cannot drive. You should not be allowed behind anything more deadly than a bumper car. A bicycle would be too much responsibility for you. Your truck has more dents in it than a golf ball and you a wearing a neckbrace. I freely admit that it was the combination of bruises to your stupid truck and neckbrace that really got to me.

Clearly, you've had traffic problems before today. I'm going to help you and explain a few things to you. I'm telling you this for your own good. You almost killed me and my son. I'm not sure that you understand what my husband would do to you in that circumstance. For the sake of brevity, I'll leave it at this: He would get you.

These are the things that you should know before you return to the road. First of all, neckbraces and roadrage do not mix. It seems that somewhere along the road (no pun intended) you missed a life lesson. Secondly, red lig ...