Benjamin had his one year checkup today. Unfortunately, we couldn't see his regular doctor and so we saw Dr. Idiot instead. First, this poor man gave off the most unmanly vibe I think I've ever gotten. He just seemed squishy...from his handshake, to his voice...his entire demeanor.

He did interact with and talk to directly to Ben, which is a big plus, but even while he was doing that he was so tentative about everything that I felt like I needed to whip out my "mom skills" to encourage him. It would have gone something like this. I see that he wants to listen to Ben's heart, but seems unsure about it. "Oh, you want to listen to his heart? You can do it. Just try. See, you're doing it. Yay! You're very brave. What a good doctor you are..." Ugh. GROW SOME BALLS, MAN!

So, I'm making it through the appointment, trying to get it over with as fast as possible and make things easy for him. He asked if I had any questions and I did h ...

The end of my semester is drawing near...as is the end of my motivation.  If you've looked at the Movies postings one would think that all I did over break was watch movies.  This is not true although I will say I watched a glorious amount of movies and caught up on most of the flicks I've been interested in seeing since before summer school.  I also did a lot of school work: 1 lab report, 1 abstract, 1 power point presentation.  This is good since I had a lot to do but also not so good because I'm a little burned out.  Not the best situation to be in now that I have just one paper to finish before finals start.  I have to say I'm struggling.  Its supposed to be 15 pages long.  Its due on Friday.  I just started the research portion of the paper yesterday. I have yet to write one word.   "Isn't it Tuesday night," you ask. Yes it is and I'm in trouble.  Holy smokes!&am ...

Benjamin started walking yesterday. In the morning he'd only walk if he was holding at least one of your hands, but by bedtime he was moving under his own power. He doesn't so much bend his knees while he walks as he more just lists from side to side stumbling his way forward. He hasn't quite mastered steering yet, as he'll be looking longingly in one direction, but walking away not able to make the turn. By this morning he had added the ability to walk holding blankie, which is important.

We did catch the spectacle on video tape, which we were very happy about. It's a poorly taped event and Andrew likened it to the footage someone takes of a Sasquatch. The problem was that he wanted to walk to an actual person so whoever had the video camera was trying to catch Ben and film so his head just gets progressively bigger and off center. Then the focus disappears completely for a minute as we try to readjust to send him the other way, his wobbling takes him on and off camera and the so ...

My Benjamin Mark Hatter is officially a year old. Actually, to be absolutely official he's one year old and one day to this very exact minute. Wow. It has been a year that is almost beyond words for me. To think that last year at this time I hadn't even brought my son home from the hospital. He was just this little tiny blob swaddled up in the arms of two very exhausted parents who had no idea what was in store for them...

Last year when I went into the hospital I had spent the previous days planning our traditional Thanksgiving party that we host with friends. I really thought that within 24 hours of coming home from the hospital that I'd be up to hosting a Thanksgiving dinner. Seriously, I thought that! Just FYI, that didn't happen. We did walk over to the party with tiny Ben and stayed for oh, twenty minutes.

When I think back about what I was experiencing last year at this time and in the next few days it makes me want to weep with gratitude that I'm past t ...

Okay, so my novel died. It was struggling weakly along and I would have carried it through to the end despite our rough beginning, but my emergency surgery and then recovery period delivered the killing blows and I decided there was just no way that I was going to be able to pull this off this month. It was a sad decision. I mourned (parts) of my novel. I grieved for another November passing without my completing a novel. I've also decided that I'm going to give myself a "re-do" month once I'm fully recovered and back up and around. So, this thread might be revived later on, but I just wanted to let anyone who was wondering (aka no one) what had happened to my poor book.

Cael is just barely tall enough to be able to stand to pee now, which makes him very proud (and which also tends to make a big mess if not a closely supervised and assisted process).

Yesterday evening, after I helped him "go" and was pulling up his pants, he said, "Did you see that rainbow?"

I had no clue (duh, me) about when he had seen a rainbow, so I said, "What rainbow, Cael?"

He replied, "The one that just came out of my dink!"

I love it when they make me laugh out loud! I am so thankful for my funny little boys.

Yesterday, Diane took my boys to Amish country for the day to run a bunch of errands. They went with a lady from Diane's church and her two little girls. As I was buckling my boys into their carseats after school, we were discussing the events of the day and the following conversation took place...

Cael: Mom, what was that other little girl's name with the pink shirt?

Me: I don't know, Cael. What was her name?

Cael: I think it was Bubbles.

Logan: [Adamantly] It was SOPHIE.

Cael: Oh yeah. But I call her Soapy.

--- And I was laughing out loud because it was so cut. I love how, in Cael's mind, trying to remember the name "Soapy" made him think her name was "Bubbles." It made perfect sense! I had to run back in and tell Diane so she could pass that on to the little girl's mom.

I just need to express my frustration (like Laura did about her skin one time) with my current size. I have the biggest struggle getting dressed for work every day. I have outgrown the majority of my regular pants, although I can still wear two pairs via the "rubber band method", but for the most part, I need to wear maternity pants. However, I am not actually big enough to need the giant pouch. I have two pairs of pants that have the "belly band" thingy, which I like, and which fit, but I confess that I get sick of wearing them over and over and over. Shirts is not such a problem yet...I still fit into most of my long-sleeved shirts and some of my sweaters, except for a few shirts which already no longer button over my chest. But, I feel too big for my regular clothes and too small for my maternity clothes. It's a struggle. Wish I could just wear the big Navy sweats every day. Argh. Ok, I just needed to share that. I can make it through my day now.

Just so you know where I'm coming from with the 30 seconds I have to tell you I have an exam tomorrow, a paper due Monday, a presentation and another exam on Wednesday...and that only brings us to 6 days from now.  There's plenty more to do I'm just going through the next 6 days with my blinders on.  Like a horse, it is for my own protection and for the protection of those around me.  Honestly, I'm typing as fast as I can.  I'm so busy I'm thinking of cancelling Thanksgiving.  Not the actualy day, mind you, but the pomp and circumstance of the meal.  I LOVE Thanksgiving.  I LOVE the food.  I LOVE the planning.  I LOVE preparing.  I LOVE organizing.  I don't have time this year.  I think its going to be me, Matt, and a pizza (and maybe some Pete's PD) watching the parade, sitting in front of the fire doing nothing.  Does that make me a bad person?  Gotta run.

I am suffering. My story is suffering. We do not go well together. Nothing is going well. (Note to the concerned: there's not actually anything wrong with me besides the story.)  I have 6,319 words. Today I should be breaking 10k. I have a very definite feeling that I will not be making that goal. The prospects of me finishing this story are getting slimmer and slimmer (quite unlike my stomach and thighs) because I'll be spending a week in Kentucky this month as well and that will not increase my word count in any meaningful way. Failure is looming over me...and my screaming son looming under me...